Living for the Only Thing I Know
by Astrik
Summary: ElfangorLoren. Elfangor thinks over his life as a human before the Ellimist repairs time.


A/N: I don't own anything. Nothing at all. Elfangor and Loren both belong to K.A. Applegate. I'm not her, I do not claim to be, so don't bother to sue. You wouldn't get much anyway. I eat reviews up like popcorn. Constructive criticism is always welcome with open arms, but flames will be openly mocked. Thank you, and have a lovely day.

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Alan Fangor was no more. In his place, there was only Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul. Elfangor was the beginning of Alan Fangor, his place of birth, and would also be his place of death. The span of time that Alan resided in would be limited to the likes of the dash in between dates on a human grave stone. Loren had been the one to come up with the clever human name 'Alan Fangor.' She had smiled secretly to him every time someone called him 'Al.' Al Fangor. When a human said it in their haste, it sounded very similar to his birth name: Elfangor. It was their private joke. And now it would be his alone.

He could not tear his eyes away from the gold band on his left hand, even as the Ellimist spoke to him, told him ever so calmly that Loren would have no memory of their ever meeting, let alone marrying. As the Ellimist spoke, Elfangor's form began to shift. His skin turned from tan to blue, his spine lengthened and a tail with a scythe-like blade sprouted. Stalk eyes popped out of the top of his head, his mouth and nose melted away, and two legs sprouted from his abdomen. His bones creaked and popped as they repositioned, his knees switched direction, and his organs shifted. Soon he was standing like a centaur, his upper half man, his lower half a mixture of deer and scorpion. But none of that registered to Elfangor. The main thing that registered was that the gold band that Loren had placed on his finger had disappeared. She had explained to him the importance of the ring to the human marriage ritual. He hadn't completely understood, but it was important to her. And so it had become important to him. But the gold band had evaporated into nothingness.

The Andalite turned misty green eyes to the Ellimist. His life was melting away before his eyes, thanks to the creature who was posing as a human. He wanted to cry, but without human eyes, he no longer could despite the fact that tears had streaked his face only moments before. But it was for the best. He tried to convince himself. He had been stuck, by his own choice, in his human morph, no longer an Andalite in body. He could not protect his wife, the woman he loved, from the Yeerks in that form. He could not even protect her as an Andalite. They had been lucky to come out alive, facingAlloran as they had. But if he could find it in himself to leave his wife behind, then she would forget everything, and she would be safe. She could live her life, never remembering the horrific experiences in space.

Elfangor felt himself lifted up. The Ellimist was taking him back, repairing the timeline he and Loren had apparently broken when he had chosen to stay on Earth with her, rather than returning to the war-torn worlds among the stars. He could see time as the Ellimists saw it. He could see every timeline of every creature, and how they came together and effected those around them. He could see Loren's line, and where it had once intersected his own. Those lines were separating now, and Elfangor once again wished he had his human eyes, so he could cry.

He had enjoyed his life as a human. He had learned how to drive a car, how to speak English using his mouth and not his thoughts, and most importantly: how to walk on two legs. He had gotten used to being without his tail, or not being able to use his stalk eyes to see behind him. He had gone to a human university, and studied human-level physics. It had been difficult to pretend that he experienced difficulties in his studies, just like any other student. It wasn't his fault that Andalites were far beyond this human technology and information. It had been entertaining to aid his friend Bill with his computer programs, however. Though, once again, Elfangor had been forced to express his ideas in primitive ways. Bill was quite taken with his ideas, though, so all was not a loss, he supposed.

Loren had been his best teacher. She taught him everything he knew now about human customs and practices. It was she who taught him to drive a car. She helped him fit in. Helped him understand the human courtship ritual. Helped him understand human love.

Though her body had been that of an eighteen-year-old female upon their return, her mind was still that of a child. The vortex in the strange world they andAlloran had created with the Time Matrix had aged her body, but not her mind. Even then, Elfangor had cared deeply for her. But, she explained to him, she was 'not ready' to be someone's mate. He had waited patiently until she told him that she was ready, and she had explained how to court a human female. At first he didn't understand the logic behind kissing, but soon he found it to be quite pleasurable. Perhaps it was because he had not been used to having a mouth before choosing to stay in his human morph. He spent a few months kissing Loren, entwining his fingers with hers, and whiling hours away simply sitting with his arms wrapped around her. It made her happy, and that was more important to him than whether he was courting her correctly by human standards or not.

It had been she who 'proposed' to him, though apparently human males are generally designated that duty. Another thing Elfangor had not understood was the human marriage ceremony. Though Loren told him that the ceremony they had participated in was far less complicated than most, he still found it rather unnecessary by Andalite standards. It did, however, make their bond legal, which was important to humans. It, too, helped him fit in and understand their culture. Humans had to participate in some sort of ceremony before they could do many things.

The human mating ritual had been somewhat more difficult for Elfangor to learn. But Loren was always a patient teacher. She showed him what to do, where to touch, how fast to move. He had been clumsy and fumbled his first couple tries, but soon he got the hang of it. Before long, he had learned what she liked, how to move, how to get her to make that sound that reminded him of a cat's purr.

His memories were still intact. Perhaps it was some sort of mercy bestowed upon him by the Ellimist. Or, perhaps, a burden under whose weight he would stumble and fall. How could he continue to fight and watch his comrades die, knowing that his wife was on Earth? But he could still hear the Ellimist's voice in his head, telling him that he was saving Loren's life by leaving. Elfangor mournfully closed his main eyes, but his stalk eyes remained fixed on Loren's timeline.

Wait.

The Andalite's own timeline had not separated from hers completely. He still touched her life somehow! And, before his eyes, another line sprang forth from theirs. _"What does it mean?" _he asked the Ellimist, speaking through his thoughts once more.

"It means you have a son, Elfangor."

It was like an electric shock, jolting through every nerve in his body. A son! That was why Loren had left to see her doctor. She would have returned to their home and told him that they were to have a son! But now, she would believe it the son of the human whose timeline had been wound around hers to take the place of his. The sorrow tore through Elfangor's hearts. Not only was he leaving behind the woman he loved, but the son he had yet to even meet. His son, whose timeline he could now see stretching through space. It intersected those of four other humans and... and his own younger brother, Aximili. Elfangor's eyes widened. His brother and his son...

_Take care of each other... _he said silently.

With one last glance at Loren's timeline, soon to be left with nothing but fond memories, he said all he could.

_Goodbye..._


End file.
